Inspiration

I have some memories of my earlier life that thinking about now would make even the strangest of people seem normal. I do not understand how I am not more screwed up than I am. Really. Its a miracle. Or maybe, I am just doomed to be a crazy cat lady... or one of those people who tell stories to their grandchildren that no one knows if they are true or not. But for me, they are all true. I couldn't make this crap up if I tried. And the funniest thing, is when I think about them, or my family reminds me about them they don't seem so strange... Its when I tell others, and the looks of shock or confusion start... That's when I realize that this is not some normal life I live.

1. I used to take beet baths as a kid... When my mom would cook beets for dinner instead of wasting the water they were cooked in she made it into a game... Who wants to swim in red water?? It made us all feel like vampires.

2. When I got my period for the first time all of the important women in my life and I had a celebration out in the middle of a field.

3. I used to drink milk straight from the cows udder... Like my mom would literally squirt it into my mouth.

4. I've mummified a Barbie with my cousins.

5. While we were younger my cousins and I would run around the yard and my dad would Lasso us with a  rope.

6. I have played "spin the inhaler" before.

7. I ran around naked until I was 6 or 7.

8. I used to play house with eggplants.

9. When I was 10 I tired to build a log cabin with my friend. We dug the cellar before giving up.

10. I used to go to an all Native American school... I was called a stupid Jimocki (heck if I know how to spell it...) which they all said meant Supid Little White Girl... Once when I was playing tag, a girl told me she had to go take a shower because I had gotten my white girl germs on her.

11. I was going to be named Blossom after my moms favorite cow.

12.  I was home schooled until 8th grade.

13. My brothers once wrapped my hands and feet in duct-tape... and duct-taped my mouth shut threw me in a box and rolled me down stairs and threw me outside and left me to free myself. 

14. We have a celebration where almost 6,000 people come to my house each year.

15. I am published on a Harry Potter website.

16. My sister go bit by a guard dog of a band of traveling gypsies. And a rattlesnake.

17. My friends and I would set up a tent in our packing shed cooler (where we keep the vegetables) in the summer and camp out in there.

18. When I was young I would rap vegetables in plastic bags and cook them in piles of manure we had on our farm, and then I would eat them.

19. My friends and I once tried to swim in a huge bin of rotten tomatoes. (the most painful thing I've ever done.)

20. When I was a little kid my parents used to find me sitting in the toilet. Not on... in. (This was before my fear of the toilet monster...)

And the list goes on and on. The best thing about these things- they are completely crazy... and completely original even if one day I am crazy I think it will have been totally worth it. My childhood was awesome!