Angel From Montgomery

I bought a used acoustic guitar from a grimy

pawn shop coming down highway 1 yesterday.

I own a fake Fender.

Her name is Lucy and she's beautiful.

She makes due with my poorly trained hands

strumming her strings the wrong way.

She sings sweet, the only two cords I know.

It was around exit 552,

That I began to miss you again.

So instead of calling you to rehash painful wounds,

Lucy kept me company as I sat barefoot in the sand.

On that forgotten California coast last night.

Her smooth wooden body held my hands, keeping them busy.

I was no longer empty. My lap was full of music.

I had something to distract my heart from loneliness.

And there in that solitary second the waves began

to make my sorrows into something to sing about.

My busy brain feels hushed for a moment.

Letting in the simple sound of a single tune.

I can hear the rhythm coming from me.

I am here... only here. 

It's Times Like These...

Gosh, it's times like these that I really wish that I knew how to play an instrument. 

Any instrument really. 

But mostly guitar. 

The funny thing is, I bet if I HAD a guitar I could learn how to play it, picking up instruments and learning to play them quickly runs in my family... 

(Okay, really it's mostly my brother, but I bet I could do it too if I tried) 

Anyway

I have a really fun and catchy poem/song that I have suck in my head and I really wish that I could put it together with some tunes 

(other than my obnoxiously horrible singing voice)

Well, here it is, maybe one of you knows how to play and can mess around with a tune. 

Good luck. 

I'll just be sitting here wishing...

A love like ours.

No ones known a love like ours

A love that heals our wounded hearts

A constant kiss upon our lips.

An angles touch to our fingertips.

No ones known a love like ours.

A love that heals our battle scars.

A love that stays when the world goes dark.

The kind that’s shown without remarks.

No ones known a love like ours.

A love that mends our broken hearts.

Our love reminds us we’re not alone.

It’s a guiding light that brings us home.

<3

Loss.

The sadness comes again as the words you last whispered fall on my lips like cool rain.

You may not want me to miss you, yet, I miss you all the same.

You were one of the strong ones. 

Even when your body failed you.

You were one of the brave ones.

Even as your body trembled.

You were one of the good ones.

You grew great friends, food and children.

You proved to us all that the body is just a vessel.

You were stronger than the mind and body.

But,

Now that you are gone

I wish there was a way to show your sons that they won't be alone.

We are here to hold them.

Some way to show your wife that she shouldn't feel so alone.

We are here to comfort her.

Yet, even they know that when your body is gone,

You lived longer and better than those who don't love. 

Because you loved so deep and true. 

And because of that:

You will forever survive in your friends and your family. 

I will forever keep you in my mind and heart.

<3

Dear Professors Of My Lovely School...

I really kind of like you. 

All of you. 

You are kind, pretty and witty as hell.

You are old and wrinkly.

And that just makes me love you more.

You aren't afraid to voice your opinions. 

You make me think beyond my normal thinking capacity.

You hate the people that I hate.

I can tell because you roll your eyes when they ask questions you just took time to answer. 

I love you.

I really do.

I love when you call people out for texting or sleeping in class.

I like when you make random references to people NONE of us have ever heard of.

I like the fact that you show up to work everyday with a smile on your face.

I like when you tell us about your home life.

I like that you are awkward.

And fun.

And sometimes drop the f bomb.

Or make dirty jokes. 

I like that you are so NOT oblivious to how much we party on the weekends. 

I like that you sometimes let us go early.

I just like you.

So, keep it up classy men and women of the University of Oregon.

You are making my going to school here twenty times more enjoyable. 

Thanks. 

Love from, Hannah Muller

(The girl sitting in the middle of your 400 person lecture class, who enjoys being there each day.)

Passion Fruit (Persephone's Tale)

Passionate pomegranate

You infuse my desire.

Blood thirsty with crimson

droplets of red coursing 

their way through my heart.

Passionate love, you make

me thirsty with lust-

make me lustful for life.

Complete abandon

When I ravish your seeds.

Passion fruit

sweet to the touch, to the 

taste when I kiss your

blossoming buds.

Sinful passionate

Fruit,

you completely enchant me.

You complete me

with your sticky wet

red.

You leave marks on my

hands and face.

You leave me suspect to my sin. 

I would eat you again.

Remember To:

Listen before you talk.

Learn before you conclude.

Laugh before you die.

Ask before you take.

Breath before you yell.

Love before you judge.

Thank before you are given.

Think before you speak.

Dance before you sit.

Live before you cry.

Grow before you wilt.

Follow your dreams before it's too late.

<3

A lost Poem

I was looking though some of my old poems and came across this one. It's pretty dark and grim, and I have no idea where the inspiration for the poem came from, as I didn't have any of these experiences growing up. It is inspiring to write more though.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Let me go…

Your face reminds me of the clown I kept

In my closet when I was young.

I would bring him out at parties when

A crowd of toys was needed for tea.

I’m still afraid of that painted smile

And gloomy eyes that seemed to mock me.

He would whisper insults to the others,

Until I stored him back away.

I won’t go…

Your laughter reminds me of my fathers

When he had too much to drink.

A loud bullfrog that croaked until

I would awake with chills and fright.

I’d lie in bed for hours, waiting until he’d

Curse his way up the wooden stairs to tell me

That I was his only baby, he’d kiss my head with

Whiskey breath and then he’d pass out drunk.

Please don’t go…

Your anger reminds me of the flames that

Licked their way through my childhood and

Took away my dreams. Leaving nothing

In their path but me, huddled against

The cold steal stove. It’s the sting of the flames

And glow of the smoke that strangled me

Into a fevered state. Fighting for an inch of air

Among the clouds of defeat.

…

Your call reminds me of how much I miss you.

Dearest darling you trap me again.

You remind me of a fisherman dangling his prize

Possessions over the dark shady seas.

A hook throbs a slow pulse through my lips.

You see me breathe gills full of smoke and you laugh

My father’s laugh and smile my clown’s smile.

This is the only death I want…

Dancing Men.

This summer, I had the opportunity to see fully grown men, boys and a mixture of the two come fully into their own skin and dance their heart out. Many of you are probably wondering why this is such a great opportunity, and worthy of a new post.
My story is this- I have never seen a boy or man look more powerful, wonderful and relaxed as when he is dancing his heart out. When I say dance, I don't mean the "seaweed" type dance that you see in high schools, and clubs all over the world. I mean grounded dancing where passion, meaning and love seep through every step that they take. If you have ever been in a room where over 10 males are dancing (without any females) you can feel the energy that they have lived their whole life carrying start to lift- and take flight high into the rafters as they are free for an hour or two.

So boys- this is for you.

So many boys put on those dark masks.
They are forced to feel scared, judged and alone.
They tie it over their hair and never let the strings come undone.
Never getting to show their real and magnificent faces to the world. 
They have no one to watch them dance their own life stories.
Pushed, pulled and shoved to the back of the bus.
Oh, brothers. I see your faces covered in war
One that is not yours to fight for.

I've watched you grow cold, guarded and mean.
Watched you place cloaks over your beings.
Guns keep you safe, instead of your fathers.
Young girls keep you warm, instead of your mothers.
I ask you my brothers, keep your head up and smile.

I see so much passion in each one of you.
Keep your lights on.
You are brighter than you let show.

Thank you for dancing from your unguarded hearts.
For expressing yourself and being alive
As I watched you, young men
I got tears in my eyes.

I have this fear-
That most of you cry only when you are alone.
That you live in a society where you're aren't supposed to  express yourself.
That this second of dance is the most alive you will ever feel.
I have this fear-
That most of you will put that mask back on when you walk out of the door.

So many masks on my boys and men.

You, my boys ripped them free and let your soul show.

Thank you. I love you.

Some words of wisdom.

The opportune moment just past me by.

I didn’t do and I don’t know why.

So here I sit my dreams in hand

Slowly sliding though fingers like grains of cool sand.

Why did I wait?

Now it’s to late.

Empty handed, I have nothing but the message:

We have nothing but the present.

Would You Love Me?

Would you love me if I walked away?
Far away in a whole new direction?
Stepped out of your footsteps and left my OWN impression in the soil.

Would you support me as my toes curled into the dark dirt of foreign lands?
Grounding me. Away from you.
Would you love me if I felt my soul lift- pushing out of my chest. Into others. Would you love me?
If I loved others?
I wonder. How much more could I love? If I showed others what I have shown you. Took off my mask and opened up.
Would you love me then?

Would you support me if I chose a new road. One that is different than the one we know.
One paved over with hard reality, and strange possibilities.
And homes.
Homes where families sit in silence. Ignoring each other. Pushing each other over the edge.

So I ask you.
Let me find my edge. By myself.
Let me stand of the edge of everything I know.
The edge of knowledge and truth and security.
Let me look over, and if I fall...
Because I may fall. But if I fall I will fall on my own terms.
And I will learn how to lift myself back up.

Would you love me?
Mom? Dad? Sister and bothers?
If I had no idea where to go from here?
If I felt the path below me start to twist, turn, twirl and shake.
As I shake from the fear of not knowing.

As I stand here, infront of you I dont know many things.
Bust mostly one thing.

Which way from here?

A Wedding

Callused hands grip tight to a warm udder,

As jets of foaming milk shoot into the pail beneath.

You both walk hand-in-hand buckets swinging,

Neither of you notice as splashing white waves

Crash over the sides. The spill makes the dirt from the path

Rise up into spiraling twisters.

You sit side-by-side on an old rusted tractor.

Small curves in the beds below go unnoticed as

One quick kiss and sidelong glance is stolen.

The cornrows may be crooked, but

The taste of the kernels will remind you

Of how you spent that summer.

Two sharp knives crush sweet basil on a

Wooden cutting board. You two turn the kitchen

Into a perfume so exquisite, it makes us believe that chocolate

can be melted into concoctions of love. The sprinkles of flour that

Cover your faces go unseen. As you devour food filled

With dreams for your future.

You toss soil with dark brown hands. Readying the

Ground for another year. Sweat and laughter

Pour into the rich earth where seeds are laid

With care. Those same hands, now reach

Towards each other as you stand in front of family

Living an endless summer together.  

I love my Brother so much. He has been the one family member I have always gotten along with. I have helped him with all of his relationships. He is kind, sweet and caring. He has a strong sense of what it takes to be an honest, grounded individual. My brother is always looking out for everyone. He also knows how to see the best in everyone. He dances a little crazy, and makes totally delicious food. I never thought I would be happy with the girl he chose to marry. In my mind no girl was good enough for him, that's until I met his girlfriend (soon to be wife). I knew this one was different. He took things slow, I remember sitting in the car with him after they had been hanging out for many weeks but not yet "officially" dating. He asked me what I should do. I told him he had to start dating her before someone else did. I told him to make it "official" so he did. It was actually the first time that I saw them cook together that I knew that they were perfect for each other. I have never seen two people more in love. Cooking turned into a big mess of public display of affection. 

I am so happy that my brother has finally found someone. I am so proud of the way that he lives his life. I am proud to call Jenna my sister, and I wish them a life filled with meals, laughter, babies and smiles. 

Love you!

Perfect Lines

Streams of lines chase away my sour heart,

Willing me to find my way back to the

Perfect patterns within the flowers.

Gardens make disarray seem like a dream.

Blueprint found in the sharp spears of green.

The star’s glints of gold grow steadily stronger

With each whisper of the passing breeze.

Strangers leave their footprints among this sodden soil.

Neighbors dig deep circles to plant their sorrow in.

There’s a balance to our dreams, like seeds

Of dandelion down I’ve propelled away with a breath.

The upset clouds drop tears into the dark beds,

Beds where callused hands rip weeds away, to protect

Their infant’s hesitant slumber.

The questions we’re afraid to ask, that make our

Life seem endless, they are answered in the trees

As our ideas shine bright among

The softness of the peach tree’s buds.

The intricate details of my life disappear as shoots climb higher.

They stand as high-rises to the insects that lie below.

Untamed memories of car horns and shuffling feet,

Find a relief here among the striving branches

Of plants that grow for a single day,

Rather than waste their time on wishes.

They know mortality is upon their leaves,

As the moon leaves their side each dawn.

Mothers Day.

Hourglass of Worries

I whispered close to my mothers worn features

The marking of age danced before my eyes like wind shaping sand.

I leaned closer to her chest, wrapping my body around her.

Her body was a buoy saving me as I drifted out to sea.

Her hands were sandpaper worn smooth,

Caressing my hair, watching it flow between her short fingers

And slip away- an hourglass of brown and gold.

My tired limbs hug over the side of the rocking chair,

My legs were too long to be tucked between us.

A barricade of appendages now kept me from her womb.

I am afraid I’m not pretty.

There isn’t a garden more vibrant.

The murmur of her level voice warmed me,

A concoction of warm milk and honey.

She rocked forward in the chair.

Comforting me with motion,

She rocked back in the chair.

The aged chair now whined under

The strain of our weight.

I whispered it once again.

Trying to feed off her weak body,

Wondering how she still had strength to bring me relief.

The wisps of hair around her skin cascaded as avalanches of snow.

As I brought my face in, letting my nose unearth her tattered sleeve,

She transformed into the flowery scent that made my childhood bloom

Before my eyes. My belly grew as my childhood wilted away.

I am afraid I won’t have anything to show for my life.

She stopped her rocking to look at my stomach.

Tears drifted from the crow’s feet around her cerulean eyes.

A daughter is enough.

REVISED

So the one thing about writing a poem dedicated to someone for a poetry class your taking.... is that sometimes you get criticized. I had to re-due the poem I wrote for my friend Sam who passed away but the good thing is that I like this one better. So here it is! I will be writing more blogs soon...

To Short 

Memories of you are shooting stars against the black night

The same stars had flown above as we had embraced to make light

With our lips, and hips choosing to live

As we did

Years ago, before you-

Vanished to the earth, the wind and skies

 I find

Myself beginning to retreat, beginning to rewind

You would chase me down now

If you knew I wept now

Chase me down like the days of our childlike play

When the use of a moment was not to survive

But to bask in the brightness of being alive

I recall kindheartedness in your eyes, eyes like soft coal

The same pleasure for life you held close to your soul

.

You my friend were fearless, a molder and sculpture of men!

You rode bareback through life stopping only when

Your final breath came to and your life came to an end.

You knew life was too short to hold the reigns in close

When immortality seemed to follow like a pale moon ghost.

There is a power to not knowing.

I contemplated this as a stood looking out to sea

The softness of your smile that now can never be.

I noticed every second, watched waves hurtle against the sand

The truth is hard for me to seize, believe or even understand.

The churning of waves unsettled, oceans run down my face

 The chaos of the stormy sea slowly falling into place.

There’s a power to not knowing when our lives will end

Yet, this realization does not stop me aching for my friend.

Our memories remain like worn down picture books

Turning pages of our treasured times each like tugging hooks.

How unforgiving is this life?

To wrap us all in love

To remind us we have no control

Then to give us all a shove.

Dedicated to Sam.

To Short

These roses are all wrong, you would have wanted daisies!

I can’t seem to shake the feeling that you would now blame me

For letting some an “important person” bring these to your party

They didn’t know you like I did

Their love was not as hardy

You’ve vanished to the earth, the wind, and skies

 I find

Myself retreating and beginning to rewind.

But then 

I recall the kindness in your eyes and the goodness of your soul

You would have wanted me to rise up and to take control.

For you my friend were fearless!

You rode though life bareback.

You saw a lack of love and made up for that fact.

You knew life is too short to hold the reigns in close

When chaos and death follow you like a pale moon ghost

There’s a power to not knowing it lets us all be free.

I contemplated this as a stood looking out to sea

I noticed every second, every grain of sand

It’s hard for me to grasp of even understand

There’s a power to not knowing when our lives will end.

Yet, this realization doesn’t stop me aching for my friend.

Our memories remain like warn down picture books

Turning pages of our treasured times each a tugging hook.

How unforgiving is this life?

To rap us all in love

To remind us we have no control

Then to give us all a shove.

JUST A NOTE TO SAY...

 

You should hear the noise my heart makes

When I think of you

Instead of beating one by one

It’s beating two by two

You should see my face lift

When someone shouts your name

My eyes get bright

My cheeks get red

My face feels like a flame

People say to be yourself

Around your special one

Never do I feel the same

When you and I are done

Am I supposed to feel this way?

Tell me is this right?

My feet too big 

My tongue too long

My insides at great heights 

High School

The town I went to high school in was definitely original. For me, it wasn't a matter of if I liked it or not, it was more about the fact that i never thought I fit in. Maybe I thought too much about the future, or wrote too much, or ate too much organic food and didn't go hunting enough. What ever the reason, I felt like I could never quite find my group. So I was always on the outside, not ready to leap, afraid that if I did, I might end living someone elses story.   

I look down.

Boots

Muddy, scuffed

old

Students wear them

With out a care in the world

Here in the country

You’re more of an outcast

The more you try

To fit in

Here in the valley

People see you as strange

 If you don’t drive a truck

Or if mud isn’t stuck

On your bumper.

I look up

Faces

Faced with pressure

Alcohol.

Friday nights.

Parents farm here

Violence end most family fights

Getting kicked off the team

Is the greatest worry

They grow here

And then there’s no hurry

To leave this town

To start out on their own

It's not much

I can

Assure ye.