When you have 300 acres as your back yard you learn a lot of things.
When you have four siblings you learn a good amount...
But,
When you have 250 sheep you learn even more.
The title of this blog sums up what I want to talk about today and that, my dear readers, is the life experiences and well-learned lessons that I have received by simply having animals prevalent in my (already crazy) childhood.
When I tell people that I live on a farm, I usually get one of two questions first:
1. "What do you grow on your farm?"
2. "So, do you guys have animals too?"
The first question is actually not as simple as it seems, seeing as how the majority of people that go to college here don't even know what a rutabaga is, nor care to... and saying that 'we are a diversified farm that grows over 80 different varieties of fruits and vegetables' usually just gets greeted with more questions or blank stares. So, I usually just end up saying. 'Well, we grow a lot of things, watermelons and tomatoes and corn and such.'
Yeah. I know. Not the best answer in the world but it's really all the same to the questioners.
The second question is actually a funny one.
Mostly, I have come to the conclusion that students believe that by living on a farm means that you have three types of animals. Cows, chickens and horses.
But, for some odd reason, people always ask me about the horses first. Which, leads me to have to say: "No, our only horse died a while ago." (Yeah, I know, not the best icebreaker in the world.) They feel bad, I feel... Well, not bad because I hate horses anyway. Yeah. I know. Its a strange thing to hate. But, they are big, mean and I am pretty sure could kill me in a second. I'll stick with docile cows, thanks.
Anyway...
What I love to do is list off numbers. That way, the questioners know that our farm isn't just some "hobby" farm that dicks around. We don't dick around. Ever.
I start by listing off the number of animals that we have.
(Now, I'll admit, I don' know the exact number right now because I haven't been home in a while.. but it's something like...)
5 Dogs.
4 Pigs
8 cows.
15 goats.
200 Sheeps.
1000 Chickens...
You get the point. By the time that I state the number of sheep their eyes get wide and start exclaiming and swearing. Yeah. I told you fools. We don't dick around.
Living on a farm you grow accustomed to different set of chores. Instead of (or besides) cleaning the windows, you take compost to the chickens.
Which, by the way is one of the most horrible jobs in the world.
It actually has been deemed that title by the institute of farmers children.
I mean, besides the heavy and stinky compost bucket that you must carry across the yard.
There's the total ick factor of compost back-splash as you turn the bucket over to the hungry mungry chickens.
Yeah. It's sick.
I am going to do this in the only way I know how to write these days....
Lists.
I write so many lists it's really unnecessary.
I make sub-lists of my to-do lists. I make to do lists of my to do lists. But, my unorganized brain somehow basks in the neatness of lists, so here's another one for ya'.
Things That I've Learned from Having Farm Animals.
I grew up around crowing roosters, snorting pigs, bully billy goats and the smallest brained sheep you will ever meet. They have taught me many things.
1. Goats are out to get you. Always.
Okay, the truth is, I only say this because I have been head butted by a goat and it is one of the LEAST fun things in the world. My friends would actually tell you differently, one of my best friends actually had two goats that she would put on leashes and take for runs... That is, until they got too big for her and started dragging her behind them. True Story. The time I got head-butted is not as fun of a story to tell, I was moving the goats to a new pasture, they hated me for that. I bent down to pick something up off the ground and a billy goat ran full sprint at the back of my head and knocked me out cold. I hate billy goats. They are mean and grumpy and smelly and foul. Baby goats are the only ones that I can handle.
2. When collecting eggs. Always wear protection.
I mean gloves of course. But for real. Bring a stick, or an extra egg carton or an unsuspecting camper that will willingly stick their small hands into a nesting box for the whole "farming experience"... Really anything that will lesson the pecks given out by moody mother hens.
3. Baby pigs are cute. But then they get ugly and fat and mean...
The good news is that eating them is an option. So I'm not too worried about it. I love pigs. They are delicious. :)
4. It's the circle of life yo.
Some people get freaked out about the fact that I have witnessed the slaughtering of hundreds of animals. And yes, when I walk outside and see a mountain of sheep heads and guts it can be a little overwhelming and unexpected. Not to mention when I go into a cooler looking for food and get shocked to DEATH when I see a hanging pig corpse. But, I have grown up with it. I know that the animals on my farm have had a pretty amazing life. I know that we use almost all of the parts of the animals that we kill and that those animals will serve as our delightful dinner. I have lived and grown up around deaths, loss, babies and poop and I know it all connects. It's the circle of life and if you have a problem with it, you shouldn't be eating nameless meat. Sassyness. I know.
5. Animals are a HUGE responsibility.
I guess that I learned this the most with cows. My mom has milked a cow non-stop every day, twice a day for the last 25? years of her life. There are no days off, there are no... "It's too cold" or "I don't feel like it right now." The animals are expecting you to care for them. To protect them. To love them. This is why the only pet I plan on having for the next couple years is a fish.
6. Naming animals is fun.
We have named many a bummer sheep. Once, we named one Carmen Electra, because she was born on an electric fence. (She walked backwards for the majority of her life) We named another one Fish because it was born in a water bucket. We named another one Aurora Frankenstein. She died.
7. Cows have one udder and four teats.
You would be surprised how many people don't know that.
For those people:
Did you also know that milk comes out warm?
And frothy?
And delicious?
And that milk you get from the store?
Well, to be honest, it has no flavor.
8. Animals always give birth on the coldest, rainiest, moon-shiniest nights.
Yeah, I guess that it has to with their birthing cycle and all that... but really? I think they like to mess with the farmers sleeping pattern.
9. Wild pigs are smarter than they let on.
Did you know that they will not eat, or go near eggplants or tomatoes because they are in the nightshade family (The botanical name of which is Solanaceae. BAM just dropped some knowledge on your brains)?? They just KNOW! It's crazy the kind of instincts that animals are born with.
And
10. Dogs will always be the favorite animal on the farm.
I work at a summer camp and have lead MANY student group tours... EVERY time the kids leave loving our dogs Mister and Salsa the best. Every time.
