Angel From Montgomery

I bought a used acoustic guitar from a grimy

pawn shop coming down highway 1 yesterday.

I own a fake Fender.

Her name is Lucy and she's beautiful.

She makes due with my poorly trained hands

strumming her strings the wrong way.

She sings sweet, the only two cords I know.

It was around exit 552,

That I began to miss you again.

So instead of calling you to rehash painful wounds,

Lucy kept me company as I sat barefoot in the sand.

On that forgotten California coast last night.

Her smooth wooden body held my hands, keeping them busy.

I was no longer empty. My lap was full of music.

I had something to distract my heart from loneliness.

And there in that solitary second the waves began

to make my sorrows into something to sing about.

My busy brain feels hushed for a moment.

Letting in the simple sound of a single tune.

I can hear the rhythm coming from me.

I am here... only here. 

Things I'm Going to Miss.

Let me say first and foremost that I am DAMN excited to adventure into the land of the unknown in less than 48 hours. 

Damn excited, I say.

Now that I got that out in the open, comes the REAL reason that I wrote this blog post:

My sister asked me the other day (after I had been home for a whopping six hours) if I had to choose between leaving the Capay Valley forever or having to stay in the Capay Valley forever, what I would pick.

 If you had asked me two years ago I would answered honestly in a heart beat, 

'get me as far away from this place as possible. I don't want to ever come back.' 

Harsh. Yes. I know. 

But when you live close to something for so long you start to despise everything about it. 

Especially when that place has annoying siblings, high school memories and chickens. 

Yet, the other day when my sister asked me that question I actually said that I would stay. 

STAY, I SAY!! 

Crazy. I know. 

But the truth is,

I love the people here.

 I love the community and the way that everyone knows everyone. 

I love that we all share a connection and passion for food and learning. 

And yes, I understand that staying here forever would mean missing out on a lot of adventures, but if I can't be surrounded by the people that I love I don't want to experience any of it. 

I love sharing my life with the folk of Full Belly Farm and the Capay Valley... and even Eugene Oregon.

 I can't picture my life with out those people and as I travel to distant places and experience new things that becomes much more clear. 

So, in memory of those times, friends and family members that I am going to miss a whole heck'of'a'lot when I am away I give you this:

 A list (in no particular order) of some fun times that I am going to cherish no matter when in the world I am.

The Roommate. Pretzel Price.

I hate to say this, but I actually think I will miss studying for classes. Yeah. Wow.

Good friends and great study parties.

Sunshine in Eugene.

Well, the Urban Farm o'course.

Walking to classes.

The kind of beautiful place I call home.

These folks. They're pretty swell.

Best friends.

Drinking wine with the family. (Ignore the wine teeth.)

Sunshine with the siblings in Lake Tahoe.

My sister....

The sillyness and giggles.

The romance.

Do you think that they have Frozen Yogurt in New Zealand?

Half-drunk and fully silly photo sessions with the Roommate.

Well, it's been fun ya'll and I know I'll be back soon... maybe then I actually WILL stay in one place forever. 

As of now... Ta'ta and see you on the other side.

xoxox

Farmer Girl.

The L word.

Love is a many splendid thing.

All you need is love.

Love lifts us up where we belong.

Love is all around us. 

Love has made a circle that holds us all inside.

I love you like a love song, baby.

Love me, love me, say that you'll love me.

L. is for the way you look tonight.

I have a strong opinions about love.

My opinion about love is that NO ONE should have the right to have an opinion about how another loves. 

Or who they love. 

Or what they love. 

Or how they love. 

Love is different for everyone. 

It wacky, strange, wonderful and beautiful. 

It can change, morph and grow.

It can be everlasting or short-lived. 

It can be comforting or dangerous. 

It can be the kind of love you see in fairy tales, or the kind that makes you want to run for the hills. 

It makes us do silly things that maybe one day we will look back on with regret and sadness. 

But in the moment it feels so perfect...

So, right... 

Oh, I bet you are wondering who I have been in love with...

As I rant about love. 

I must be a master. 

I must know all the ins and outs of love. 

Well, here it is:

I have never been "In Love" with a man or women. 

At least,

Not in societies sense of the word. 

But,

I have come to the conclusion that for me, there is little difference in romantic love and platonic love. 

I love everyone about the same. 

I do not think that love has to mean having sex. 

There is a difference between sex and love. 

(Although I think it's smart to attach the two)

I find myself falling in love with total strangers and my best friends. 

I find myself loosing myself to each of my new acquaintances.

Doing silly things to impress them. 

Trying to make them love me, like I think I love them. 

This is why I don't think I can ever hold a grudge for longer than a day. 

Because I love everyone enough that it doesn't matter if they were mean to me yesterday...

I forgive them. 

I love them and want to make it work. 

No matter what. 

I find myself running back to people that should have been left out of my life along time ago.

Yes, I realize this will one day be my downfall. 

I am thankful that I haven't ever fallen for someone who has realized that trait about me. 

Because that downfall could give them power over me.

A dangerous power. 

But, I think that love is one of those things that we should try to make work, no matter what.

If you were once in love, I believe you can be in love again.

Maybe not in the same way...

I understand that sometimes breaking up is the BEST THING someone can do to continue loving someone. 

But, I believe that love is what you make it. 

It is what you need it to be. 

It takes different forms at different times in your life.

There is a beauty in each kind of love. 

I find it ridiculous that any one person, religion, or society try to tell us who we should love.

If someone wants to marry their best friend, who are we as a society to say that that isn't real love?

The people that limit their love to sexual relationships are missing out!

Falling in love with someone makes you realize a little bit more about yourself. 

It opens your eyes to a new way of life and new part of your soul.

It opens your eyes to the wonders of each person, the ups and the downs. 

Okay, enough about love...

What I love even more?

Crushes. 

I still crush on people like I am in middle school.

I still giggle, smile like an idiot and make a fool of myself. 

I still babble and stumble around my sentences and words. 

I still become speechless if I stand too close to someone I like. 

I still replay moments in my head...

And blush when a cute person walks by.

I LOVE crushes. 

They are what make me want to look good when I walk outside. 

They are what make me walk a certain way to class.

I am way too obvious when I like someone. 

But, in my opinion, why SHOULDN'T I be? 

If I like someone, I would rather be upfront about it rather than wondering for the rest of my life

"What if?"

All that being said, the only crush I have on anything right now is this song:

Enjoy!