A lost Poem

I was looking though some of my old poems and came across this one. It's pretty dark and grim, and I have no idea where the inspiration for the poem came from, as I didn't have any of these experiences growing up. It is inspiring to write more though.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Let me go…

Your face reminds me of the clown I kept

In my closet when I was young.

I would bring him out at parties when

A crowd of toys was needed for tea.

I’m still afraid of that painted smile

And gloomy eyes that seemed to mock me.

He would whisper insults to the others,

Until I stored him back away.

I won’t go…

Your laughter reminds me of my fathers

When he had too much to drink.

A loud bullfrog that croaked until

I would awake with chills and fright.

I’d lie in bed for hours, waiting until he’d

Curse his way up the wooden stairs to tell me

That I was his only baby, he’d kiss my head with

Whiskey breath and then he’d pass out drunk.

Please don’t go…

Your anger reminds me of the flames that

Licked their way through my childhood and

Took away my dreams. Leaving nothing

In their path but me, huddled against

The cold steal stove. It’s the sting of the flames

And glow of the smoke that strangled me

Into a fevered state. Fighting for an inch of air

Among the clouds of defeat.

…

Your call reminds me of how much I miss you.

Dearest darling you trap me again.

You remind me of a fisherman dangling his prize

Possessions over the dark shady seas.

A hook throbs a slow pulse through my lips.

You see me breathe gills full of smoke and you laugh

My father’s laugh and smile my clown’s smile.

This is the only death I want…