day-sperations

Blog more later.

<3

My new best friend.

WARNING: THIS IS NOT LIKE MY USUAL INSIGHTFUL POSTS

So, there was this guy I played Beer Pong with last Saturday at a Frat 

(which is conveniently located right down the road from our apartment building.)

P.S. this is not a poem... I just felt like writing in the middle of the page.

Because I am that important.

Anyway, we hit it off right away, we won the game I think.

It's really not important. What IS important is that I put my hand down his pants.

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

No, eww sicko. I did nothing of the sort. 

From later stories from the individual himself and several eye-witnesses

I went to pat him on the butt for his great attempt at a shot on one of the last cups of the night...

and my hand found its way into his nickers. 

For a quick "Pat-Pat" of sorts. 

FOOTBALL PLAYERS DO IT ALL THE TIME... RIGHT?

Anyway. 

I was so embarrassed that I would even drunkenly do something so revolting.

That I didn't get to know much more about him. 

...

BUT HERE I SIT, ONE WEEK LATER. 

truly infatuated with this individual.

What changed? What made me realize that I would put my hands down his pants all over again?

TWO little words. 

TWO LITTLE WORDS

With enough power to change over millions of lives.

Start a revolution of followers

 Make one a billionare.

And write seven books that have lead me to wanting to live in an alternate universe.

HARRY POTTER.

This guy- the one I grabbed on the tush.

IS MY ULTIMATE HARRY POTTER NERD.

He has a harry Potter Tattoo guys...

How can I not want him to be my best friend??

It is meant to be.

He and I were I.Ming on Facebook. 

I will share here with you the lovely conversation we had. 

You can be the judge if this friendship is moving too fast.

ME: Okay truth or not. You have a deathly Hollows tattoo on your calf?

HIM: Truth of course.

ME: Dear GOD. I take back apologizing for putting my hands down your pants. You sir, may be the coolest guys I know.

HIM: Haha well thank you dear.
(did you hear that? He called me dear??)

ME: No, but seriously. I would do it all over again.
I seriously need to see your room, I have just heard stories...
I am one of the bigger harry potter fans on this planet.
Your house if I may be so bold to ask?

HIM: I am in Gryffindor, might I ask yours?
(Of course he's in Gryffindor...)

ME: Hufflepuff. And not one bit ashamed.

HIM: you shouldnt be. hard work, patience, loyalty and fair play are all highly admirable qualities.            
(LIKE O.M.G this guy just listed off the traits of a Hufflepuff!!) 

ME: Tis true good Sir. We all can't be Gryffindors, now can we?

HIM: No no we need a balance, tis true.
well next time you come over we shall talk harry potter and I'll show you the marauders map, yule ball invitation, decrees of delores jane umbridege, and my Weasley Wizard Wheezes catalog
(WHHHHHAAATTTTT?????)

ME: I just orgasmed in my brain a little bit. Whoa. You just might be the coolest guy on the planet.
HIM: Hahah Far from it my dear but I promise I can talk Harry Potter with the best of them.

ME: Can we be best friends forever?

SO THE MORAL OF THE STORY FOLKS?

Hannah Muller has found a new best friend.

Have good dreams. I know I will.

But remember- to quote the late Albus Persival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore...

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

<3

Inspiration

I need to get inspired. I need to find inspiration in the trees around me and the people that surround me each day. I am finding that each day I am loosing more and more of the inspiration that college and Eugene once had for me. It is becoming a day to day routine of waking up, classes, eating and sleeping. The awe that I once found in each step that I took on campus is now becoming a beaten path that I walk each day. So, instead of crying over spilled milk, I am going to get inspired over spilled milk. I am going to sit in wonder on the University of Oregon campus. I am going to walk a new way to class each day. I am going to try a new food this week... I need to, or else this wonderful experience and opportunity I have at gaining insight into myself and knowledge into my brain will become another chore that I despise.

Here are some pictures that I find inspiring.

 

Well, I have to get back to studying. But I may post later. I am starting to feel inspired... :)

Have a great Sunday!

What do I live for?

A striking realization hit me as I rode my bike yesterday. As the wind swept through my hair and the fall leaves spiraled to the ground all around me, I was caught in a moment of bliss and happiness... and of course, wonder.
I wonder a lot of things. I wonder a thousand strange things each day and one of them is this: Some people say we are mere products of fate and chance, but are we?
As I sat on my cushioned bike seat marveling at the beauty and complexity around me and yesterday I came to this conclusion:

We are not controlled by chance. We control our choices.

This dawning made me realize something else. I really don't like some of the choices I have been making in the past year surrounding my health, family, friends and school. Now, I could just realize that, yes it's me who's making those poor decisions and the only fool proof way to stop them is to stop it. But when I am in the moment of choice it always comes back to this:

I believe each persons life is what they make it. When I get to the end of my life there will only be one question I ask myself and that is: Did you do it all?

Now, with this thought in mind it's sometimes hard to determine ground breaking choices that I will look back on my life with pride and wise eyes and feel proud and the choices that, while they may seem like a perfect example of living my life to the fullest at the moment, leave me feeling empty and wishful that I could go back and delete that split second decision forever.

I asked the people who have seen and heard it all from me for my whole life-- my two best friends. I asked them if they could please remind me who I am because at the moment I was having a hard time remembering. What I stand for, what I live for and what I hold closest to my heart. Because being away at college and away from those constant reminders of why I live is challenging and sometimes I need a wake up call from a person who has seen me at me worst and isn't afraid to tell me that you are pretty damn close to it.


My best friends advice?

"Sit in a garden."

Now to you, that may not seem like the kind of advice you are looking for after some of the stupid choices we all make in our everyday lives. But to me? Sitting in a garden IS what I live for.

Being alone in a garden reminds me that I am independent. I love sitting, walking, running and sleeping by myself and sometimes I need a reminder of how much I enjoy my own company rather that fill my seconds with blurred faces and snuggle buddies. It is a constant reminder that I'd rather wrap myself in a blanket and fall asleep to Pandora.

Being alone in a garden reminds me of family. My family will and has always been there for me. They know who I am and what I need to hear. Sometimes what I need to hear is not always what I WANT to hear, but my family (extending to friends as well) is a constant reminder of love and security.

Being alone in a garden reminds me of food. You may think it's strange that food is important to me, but when you live on an organic farm your whole life you find comfort in the fact that you are putting some of the very best products into your body. When I am away at college this is a hard one for me to remember. Being surrounded by convenience rather than value... it is so tempting to cave away from those moral lessons I was raised with. As is filling my body with harmful food and drink. But eating healthy reminds me of how much care I want to give to my precious body each day. 

I think that this was just the advice I needed at the moment to remind myself that my choices are not only affecting me, but the people around me. I need to make them wise ones that I will look back on and feel proud of making. Where do I know I can find good choices and decisions waiting for me? I don't know... but a good place to start? In a garden.

My Dog has got the right idea.

The place I call home.

Someone once said that home is where the heart is.

The town of Eugene is where my heart rests at the moment.
With sights like these how couldn't it?

I love it here and who would blame me. The trees change color, the sky is the perfect shade of gray and the grass always stays green. What more could a college girl ask for?

Tattoo

I think enough time has passed where I can talk about my tattoo experience with a small bit of reflection and no amount of guilt that I am keeping someone out of the loop. If my readers didn't know I got a tattoo, because unlike some, I didn't post a picture on Facebook or Twitter as soon as I got it, well now you do. Surprise!

I got a tattoo over the summer. I went with my best friend and got the words "Momento Vivere" tattooed on my body. Yes, I am aware that it will be there for the rest of my life.
The Latin phrase Momento Vivere which means Remember to Live rang true to my ears and heart from the first time that my best friend and I talked about getting it. For the past five or so years I have known that I wanted to get (a) tattoo before I die. I had the idea of getting one with my two best friends when we read a book about a lady pirate who had a blue anchor tattooed on her hip. We LOVED that story, but even more so, loved the idea of getting matching tattoos together. Well, this summer one of my best friend turned 18 and the other one, who is not old enough to get one yet and slowly rethinking the idea of getting one all together told us that we should go ahead and get one anyways.

Now here's the thing future tattoo getters or critics. Tattoos hurt. But what hurts most is the amount of shit that you can get from your family and close friends for getting one. You see folks, I was dumb. I was scared that if I told my parents and sister and brothers they would try to talk me out of it. (Like any good family would try to do.) SO I got it with out their knowledge and showed it to them in the next two days. I was expecting some grumbling and snarly comments, but I was not aware of the full fledged war zone I had entered after getting my tattoo. It hurt more than ANY tattoo ever will. I have loved and trusted my families opinions, values and logic for my whole life and to have it tested for the first time in my life was really hard. I needed someone's support and yet, everywhere I looked I got a back-handed comment about how I hadn't thought it through enough. I was scared that suddenly they were going to love me less because of the 1/2 " black lettered font I had on my side.

The actual tattoo getting experience was GREAT My best friend and I bonded, laughed held each others hands nervously and walked out with the biggest smiles on our faces. I had a blast and will remember it for the rest of my life. It was also a memory and experience I should have had my family be apart of. I understand that now. They don't have so much of a problem with the tattoo anymore, (although my sister still calls it a Harry Potter Spell) but I can still see the distrust and fear they have that I won't include them in some of the life changing moments in my life. 

So for all you future tattoo enthusiasts, take my advice, and think long and hard about the tattoo you get, but mostly think about telling those you hold close.

Here are some pictures of me getting the tattoo and what it looks like afterwards. :)

I was SOOOOO nervous!

 This kinda hurt like a female dog, not going to lie.

The great thing about the place I got it is that it is very personal. No one would ever know I had it unless I showed it to them. I am really happy with it and am happy with the experience.

Not that I am thinking about getting another one any time soon... But if I were to get another one it would be of the Happy Buddha that is the logo for my family farm. AND I would ask my parents for their support in getting one.

So folks, Momento Vivere and have a great Wednesday.

A lost Poem

I was looking though some of my old poems and came across this one. It's pretty dark and grim, and I have no idea where the inspiration for the poem came from, as I didn't have any of these experiences growing up. It is inspiring to write more though.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Let me go…

Your face reminds me of the clown I kept

In my closet when I was young.

I would bring him out at parties when

A crowd of toys was needed for tea.

I’m still afraid of that painted smile

And gloomy eyes that seemed to mock me.

He would whisper insults to the others,

Until I stored him back away.

I won’t go…

Your laughter reminds me of my fathers

When he had too much to drink.

A loud bullfrog that croaked until

I would awake with chills and fright.

I’d lie in bed for hours, waiting until he’d

Curse his way up the wooden stairs to tell me

That I was his only baby, he’d kiss my head with

Whiskey breath and then he’d pass out drunk.

Please don’t go…

Your anger reminds me of the flames that

Licked their way through my childhood and

Took away my dreams. Leaving nothing

In their path but me, huddled against

The cold steal stove. It’s the sting of the flames

And glow of the smoke that strangled me

Into a fevered state. Fighting for an inch of air

Among the clouds of defeat.

…

Your call reminds me of how much I miss you.

Dearest darling you trap me again.

You remind me of a fisherman dangling his prize

Possessions over the dark shady seas.

A hook throbs a slow pulse through my lips.

You see me breathe gills full of smoke and you laugh

My father’s laugh and smile my clown’s smile.

This is the only death I want…