Smally George

I bet you all are wondering, why I call myself Smally George, or maybe some of you really couldn't care less- well go suck an egg if you don't care, because I am going to tell you all anyways. The nickname Smally George originated in the year 2009 when my family went to New Mexico for Christmas to meet my brothers (then girlfriend, now fiancee's) family. We, being a very active family... (at least some of us, I much prefer watching the Disney channel on my weeks off. Don't judge) But, most of the others like to do active family activities and such... like hikes, window shopping, puzzling, extremely competitive game playing, and museum and art gallery viewing and of course the guzzling of alcohol. All of these glorious activities were just some of what we all partook in the couple of weeks that we were in the fancy state of New Mexico.
One of the art gallery viewings that was mandatory to attend if you were to ever be loved by my family again was a Georgia O'Keeffe show. While I was walking around the art show admiring beautiful creations I will never be able to get close to making myself. My sister (who had gotten in the habit of calling me Smalls over the past couple weeks met up with me as I was contemplating one of the "sexual" flowers that O'Keeffe was known to paint... wondering how anyone could get the idea that a violet was sexual. Being the "artist" in the family people are always telling me how if I work hard enough I could create something as great as one of these acclaimed artists so when my sister came up to me and said something along the lines of,
"You know, you could be the next Georgia O'Keeffe." I just rolled my eyes. "But, you're so small, you're just like this Smally George."
annnnnnddd it stuck. My sister has a knack for nicknames. (wow say that ten times fast..) Once she makes her mind up to call you something, it sticks, and everyone follows suit. My mom, brothers and sister all call me Smally George, sometimes just George, or sometimes just Smally. But it's not going anywhere, in fact I think it's spreading... and it has been two years.

I'm not all that happy with the nickname, as I prefer to be called "Hannah" For me though it stands for something besides just a random decision on my sisters part. It reminds me of my family, and the dream that one day I could be known for doing something as beautiful and creative as Georgia O'Keeffe's work.

 Well, all you people who are off sucking eggs can come back now, I'm done- and to all the rest, now you know... Smally George. It's a nickname- and a life style.

One day.

One day I am going to have a house with a tire swing.

One day I am going to live where the trees change color.

One day I am going to get married in a barn.

One day I am going to travel back to Italy.

 One day I am going to meet Jake Gyllenhaal.

One day I am going to have my very own library.

One day I am going to have a baby.

One day I am going to start an Urban Farm.

One day I will get old.




There's so much to do!

Happiness.

I am a happy person. I smile often, and laugh without holding back. I have family, friends and neighbors that I love. I try to always live in the moment. I can find joy in my mistakes, as well as my accomplishments. I try to always resolve conflicts within my friendships. I eat what will makes me feel good about myself. I don't hold grudges because I know that life is too short to stay mad. I spend time within nature to remind myself of how small I am. I try to give back to the earth as much as possible. I wonder and dream. I create art and express myself through creative expression.

We live in a world where it is not only possible, but thought normal to hate yourself, your friends and strangers. We live in a world where finding flaws in others characters is an every day occurrence. A world where family members hate each other, and hold grudges that keep them from talking for years on end. We live in a world where food does not nourish our bodies, but helps to destroy it. A world where where being happy and smiling to others is considered strange. A world where we have GOOD days. This is a world where conflict is resolved through violence. We live in a world where destruction of the earth is deemed progress. A world where sitting in each others company is not enough, we must be in more places than the present.

I find it hard to remind myself that I am different. I find it a struggle everyday to stay true to what I believe. I find my smile sagging, my hopes crushed. When this happens- I start with the good. As we are already surrounded with bad. I start with the little things. I remember my family, the ones that make me laugh. I listen to nature- reminding myself that I am a small piece in this large puzzling world. I learn to laugh at myself. I find a new way to enjoy my time. I eat a new food. I make myself find ten things I love about myself. I find ten things I like in someone else. At times it may be a struggle, at times it may be easier to conform to anger, to hatred. Yet, when I imagine a world, when I choose to live another day the way I was raised, the way that makes me feel good about myself. I can see that one day, others... they may not change, but they will begin to take notice to the small things. They will not take for granted the ones that care for them, the ones that make them smile. They will choose to see that the earth that we live on is sacred, and should be treated as such.
They will be happy.


"Let us be grateful for people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
-Marcel Proust

The Toilet Monster

This is not something that I would admit everyday. But I am growing up, my fears have faded and if this isn't the place to admit and confess to the world that I was scared to flush the toilet for two thirds of my life than I don't know where is.

There I said it.
I was afraid to flush the toilet for two thirds of my life. It was a truly reasonable fear I'll have you know. And it's gotten better, I'm not afraid anymore, I have no problem pressing the handle and watching the water swirl. I used to be so scared that I wouldn't go in the bathroom without another person. I could blame it on the toilet monster, but really how it all got started was my sister wild imagination and her love to strike fear within me.
It began when I was probably four or five... The age where my sister was the coolest girl in the world. We would spend hours and hours in the bathtub, making up stories and washing our hair over and over again. I was at that age in my life where I would believe anything that she told me. This lead me to believe some pretty strange things for wayyyy too long. She convinced me that dinosaurs were still alive, roaming around the world, hiding from humans, and eating young girls like me. She convinced me that I was adopted, and that I was the least favorite child (that one still messes with my head sometimes.)
Anyways, it was in the bathtub where we sat when my sister spouted the lie that would have me shaking with fear every time that I even looked at a toilet for a good portion of my life.
This is a true story- it is burned into my memory. Trust me, when you are scared of something for so long, these types of conversations seem to have an impact on you...
She put her serious face while she was sitting with me in the tub, and spoke in a tone of doom and death,
"Hannah, do you know that there is a Toilet Monster?"
"Nooooooo there isn't!"
"Yup" My sister said as she looked at me, and then looked at the toilet across the bathroom.
"My best friend Susie got eaten by it."
I was still in disbelief... I wasn't that easy to convince. "You don't even HAVE a friend named Susie." I said, trying to prove her wrong.
"I did, you didn't meet her because she was eaten... by the Toilet Monster!" She said her voice getting more and more serious.
I don't remember the rest of the conversation, I don't remember if the fear set in that day, or I got more and more afraid each time that I sat down, hoping and praying that I didn't end up like dear old Susie.
This fear, like most fears in peoples lives, controlled me. I was fearful of even going into a bathroom by myself. I made excuses and held my pee until I was about to burst. Anything was better than being sucked into the vortex of death. My mom didn't understand it, my friends all got confused, thankfully I was home schooled so it wasn't too big of a deal. I used to say that I was afraid of the toilet overflowing, knowing that that was a little bit more normal than being afraid of someone sucking you down the hole, and into the pipes below...
I slowly got over the fear, (and my sister told me that it was all a lie, I think she got sick of accompanying me to the bathroom.)
The moral of the story? Don't let fear control your life and your bladder. AND don't listen to your sister.

Pinwheels

 For my brothers upcoming wedding we have been plenty busy with arts and crafts. And I (being the artsy one in the family) have been helping to make all sorts of fun projects. Number one on the list... Pinwheels! I am obsessed! They are fun, colorful and easy to make. You can use them for all sorts of things, we are going to use them to line the walk-way where the guests make their way to the reception. But we had an idea to fill a vase with them, instead of flowers, or somehow make them to go in your hair!  If you are feeling creative, or a little bored all you will need is...
1. Paper (We used scrap-booking paper.)
2. Scissors
3. A push-pin
4. A wooden dowel
5. Creativity and a little arm strength

Fold into halves diagonal.

Cut about 2/3 of the way down along each of the creases

take every other point and poke it onto the pin

once you have all of the points attached stick the push pin through the back of the paper at the center.

then, use that arm strength, and push the final product onto a dowel

finished!

Just one of the many colorful projects we finished!

A Peaceful Time.

The world is quiet, not a soul in sight.
Everything's perfect when you turn out the lights.

I am home for the break, and I packed shorts, expecting that it would be at least a little bit warmer than being up at school. Boy was I mistaken. I should have packed more jackets. I should have known that the rain would follow me home.

The rain and blustery winds last night made all of the power go out on our farm, and in the whole valley where we live. The whole world seems to stand still when the power goes off. I remember watching the storm rolling in when I was little, hoping and wishing that the powerful gusts would make the world go dark. I was scared of the dark, I'm still scared of the dark, but when the lights went off, the candles would come out and the whole family would come a little closer. My mom and dad would have to stop working, my brothers and sister couldn't ignore me by drowning me out with technology. The world seemed simple and kind.
Last night I was brought back to those times. One of my favorite memories growing up was when all of the power went off and a thunder and lightning storm took over the whole sky. The family sat covered in blankets on the couch, watching out of the window in our living room, exclaiming over each strike of lightning on the hills, jumping and screeching as the only burst of light around shook us in our skins. Then we sat counting each second until we could hear the thunder roll and grumble making us shudder as the storm moved closer and closer.
I love the rain, although I would love to be out suntanning right now, sitting in the green grass as my pale legs got a few rays of sun. This weather, although a little chilly, makes me remember and reminisce on times where everything was just a little simpler.

COLORS OF SPRING.